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It’s Monday, And We All Need A Laugh.

From Ace of Spades:

Last Saturday afternoon in Washington, D.C. an aide to Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic Cathedral in D.C. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day’s Mass, and asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, “No. I don’t really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over some of Pelosi’s views.” Pelosi’s aide then said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to you if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint.”

The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the Church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.” As Pelosi’s aide promised, Nancy Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Ms. Pelosi was present.

The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, “While Ms. Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington and in California . The woman is simply not to be trusted.”

The Cardinal concluded. “But, when compared with Hillary Clinton, Ms. Pelosi is a saint.”




Guns For Teachers.

Arming teachers and school staff is a contentious issue, but no matter what, we found this funny.

Sometimes you just need to laugh.



Don’t.





Cocoa Beach, Palm Bay And Satellite Beach Form Partnership.

BREVARD COUNTY, FLORIDA Late Friday afternoon, elected officials from Cocoa Beach, Palm Bay and Satellite Beach announced an “historic agreement” between the cities in order to allow more direct input from what they described as an “under represented minority.”

“Elected officials are definitely a minority when you think about it,” said Satellite Beach Mayor Frank Catino. “The three groups of elected officials here are but 15 people in areas with populations of over 120,000 people. Despite being a minority, we are told we have abide by the majority views of others. That’s wrong.”

When asked for examples, Mayor Ben Malik said, “we want to get rid of family homes and instead erect high rise condominiums. Doing so will increase the tax base and increase money that we can spend. Why should people who have lived here have a say in what we want? We are an oppressed group. We shouldn’t have to jump through extra hoops such as Charter Review Committees and ballot initiatives to get what we want. People don’t understand how difficult it is for us to rig the process.”

Palm Bay Mayor William Capote echoed Malik’s thoughts. “Why should we have to get approval from others? If we want to tax people in order to benefit us and our friends, why should that be an issue? We are the ones that are oppressed here, not the people with the money we want.”

The group announced that they will be leading a legislative initiative in Tallahassee to repeal the Florida statute requiring the public be heard on voting issues.
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The Parable Of The Snowman.

We have to say that we got this from the comicallyincorrect.com site, but as it is an anonymous article, we can use it in its entirety.

It snowed all night long, so the morning went like this:

8:00 I made a snowman

8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.

8:15 So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 The neighbors’ nanny complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest.

8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead.

8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
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Plumbing.

We had the television on in the background and heard an ad for ACE Hardware where they will make sure that you have everything you need for your paint job and sell it to you on the first trip and if you have to get more painting supplies, they will deliver it to you free of charge.

It reminded us of our father and a plumbing job he took on at our house long ago. Dad was a handy person and he could do most jobs around the house without having to call someone.

After examining the problem, Dad headed and I off to the hardware store to get the needed supplies. He talked with a salesperson and got everything he thought he needed.

The salesperson rang up the sale, took Dad’s cash, thanked him for his business and said “see you later this afternoon!”

My dad paused and replied, “I wasn’t planning on doing another job today. This is it.”

The salesman smiled and said, “plumbing jobs always take three trips to the hardware store.”

“Not for me,” Dad replied as he waved and walked out the door.
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Valentines From “The Evil Mad Scientist.”

The website “Evil Mad Scientist” has sets of free, downloadable Valentine’s Day cards for your sweetie. They are hysterical and perfect for the those people who are “left side of the brain” dominant.”

We aren’t big fans of Valentine’s Day for a variety of reasons that will be explained in our yearly rant on the “holiday” tomorrow,” but the good thing is that you can use these cards year round to keep the inertia of your relationship going. (See what we did there?)

Today we are releasing our newest set of “Download and Print” cards for Valentine’s day. This is our sixth year, and sixth set of cards: The 2013 set had six equation-heavy cards, the 2014 set was a set of six symbol-heavy cards, and the 2015 set included love, hearts, and arrows. The 2016 set featured Pluto’s cold heart, and the perfect card for your robotic expression of love, and last year’s set featured atomic orbitals, exponential growth, and an epsilon delta declaration of love.

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When A Scientific Compliment Goes Horribly Wrong.

It’s Friday. We’re all swamped. And this just made us laugh.

courtesy: Einstein’s mama on Facebook



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